I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize