it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
