we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
