i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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