1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
