Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
