yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
