Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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