i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
