My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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