His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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