Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
