What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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