i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
worst night to have a conscience
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
