God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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