I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
