Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just pee around me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
