In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
