Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
