im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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