Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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