A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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