Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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