There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
