So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
