i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
