my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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