as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize