i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
