After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
