She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
