Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
