so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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