Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
