Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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