I heard we made out
That's intense
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
