A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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