The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize