When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
jump out the window naked night went bad
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