oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You dont lie about slip and slides
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
