She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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