I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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