my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize