We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
