So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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