Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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