I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
