the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
