No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
