And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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