I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
