He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Vodka?
Forever.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
