I'm going to jail i love you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize