This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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