PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
