thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize