You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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