and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
