so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
