I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
