We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
