I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
