I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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