Whod you bang
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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