Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
