if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
