It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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