You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
