A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
