I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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