she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
