You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
