Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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