He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
