Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
