Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
